ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
