They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
