Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
