What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
