lets start a swedish sibling band together
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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