also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Randomize
