whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
