i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
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