I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
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