I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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