i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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