party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
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