Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
