One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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