A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
