chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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