So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
