Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
