yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
