Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize
