Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
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