going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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