I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
