Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Randomize
