When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
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Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
His nipple licking is glorious
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