me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
