I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
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