i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Randomize
