You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
