U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
