At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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