Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
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i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
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She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
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