i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
