I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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