i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
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