So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
