All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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