i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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