is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
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Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
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I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
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