Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
