She's JV to your varsity
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
