I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
