and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Randomize
