you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
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