Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
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