my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
I love you.
Bad choice
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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