I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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