i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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