She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
