I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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