If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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