I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Randomize
