Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
