I CAN MOONWALK!
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
