So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
You can't motorboat a personality
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
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