I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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