i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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