just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
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we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
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I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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