i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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