I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
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I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
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SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
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