well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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