The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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