It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
