hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
