i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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